“美丽”是一场精心控制设计的社会游戏

曾经看过加拿大社会活动家 Naomi Klein 说的一句话：“无论一个女人长得怎么样，她的外貌总会被用来削弱她的观点。”

她这句话说出了“美丽神话的双重困境”：你如果“不够美”，别人会觉得你没有资格谈美；可如果你“太漂亮”，你说的话又很容易被当成不靠谱，好像美貌自动降低了你的智商一样。怎么都不对。

我之前看过一篇文章，标题是《如果化妆不再是女人的必修课，会怎样？》。作者写的是自己决定不再化妆之后的生活变化。对她来说，不再化妆不是因为她觉得自己不好看，而是一种反叛。就在那一刻，她意识到，我们从很小的时候开始，就一直被教导要“变美”，于是这个观念已经深深嵌入了我们成长的过程，成了一种默默施压的社会默认。

有意思的时，那篇文章的评论区简直翻炸了。有些人质疑她是不是因为不够漂亮，干脆就决定“躺平”；还有人说：“你等你四十岁再来说这套话吧。”

几年过去了，我现在回头想想，这些评判也不全是没道理。这几年我也渐渐理解了那句“四十岁再说”评论的含义。最近照镜子的时候，我开始看见一张比自己印象中更疲惫、更年长的脸。脖子有点松了，额头的纹路更深了，某些角度的光线下，我甚至会吓一跳——怎么这么憔悴？于是平时每两小时，我就忍不住去补口红；拍照的时候，更是要小心灯光、角度、修图，一张照片没调过我根本不敢发。

尽管如此，我还是提醒自己要守住一个原则：不能把越来越多的时间和钱，花在“修复外貌”这件事上。这不是说不要保养、不要打扮，而是不要变成了我生活的中心。

Naomi Klein 所批判的“美丽文化”，其实本质是一种让女人永远觉得自己“不够好看”的机制。你要不停地变瘦、变白、变年轻、变精致，然后不断消费来“填补”这种不够。这种“美丽神话”，说到底讲的不是长相，而是一种行为模式，一种社会控制逻辑。换句话说，我们不是天生不够好，而是在长期的社会教导影响下，相信我们永远不够好，这甚至也成了女性之间竞争的重要内容，让我们常常身不由己地参与到“谁比谁更美”的游戏里。

Naomi指出其实问题不在于女性有没有化妆、有没有减肥、有没有整形，而是你有没有真正的选择权？你追求美丽，是出于自由，还是出于恐惧、羞耻与别人的期待？美丽神话的敌人，从来不是我们脸上的皱纹、眼袋或法令纹，而是那些无形的、结构化的、让女性不断自我怀疑的声音。

因此，即使到现在，我还是会在照镜子时偷偷问自己今天看起来好不好；拍照时依然忍不住修修图；听到别人夸我年轻，也还是会有点不好意思地偷偷开心。但与此同时，我也在努力重新定义一种不靠五官评分的“美”和“酷”。对我来说，那是一种态度，一种生活方式，更是一种可以练习、可以掌控的内在力量。它无法让我彻底摆脱所有的不安，但它确实让我能更坦然地变老，也更温柔地接纳那个“不那么完美”的自己。

I have seen a quote written by Canadian writer and activist Naomi Klein: “No matter what a woman looks like, her appearance will always be used to undermine her opinions.”

This perfectly captures the double bind of the “beauty myth”: if you’re not attractive enough, people think you’re not qualified to speak about beauty; but if you’re too attractive, your opinions are dismissed as unreliable - almost as if beauty automatically lowers your intelligence. You can’t win either way.

I once read an article titled “What Happens If Makeup Is No Longer a Woman’s Daily Duty?” The author described how her life changed after she stopped wearing makeup. For her, the decision wasn’t about thinking she looked bad without it - it was an act of rebellion. In that moment, she realized how deeply ingrained the idea of “becoming more beautiful” had been in our upbringing since childhood. It’s become a silent but powerful form of societal pressure.

What’s interesting is that the article’s comments section exploded. Some people questioned whether she only gave up on makeup because she wasn’t attractive enough to begin with, essentially saying she had “opted out” of the beauty game. Others said, “Let’s see if you still think this way when you hit forty.”

Now, years later, I can look back and admit that some of those comments weren’t entirely without merit. I’ve come to understand what that “say this again at forty” sentiment really means. Lately, when I look in the mirror, I see a face more tired and older than I remember. My neck has started to sag a little, the lines on my forehead have deepened, and in certain lighting, I’ll catch a glimpse and think, and wow, I look exhausted. So I end up reapplying lipstick every couple of hours, and when I take photos, I obsess over the lighting, the angles, the retouching. I can’t even post a picture unless I’ve edited it.

Still, I try to hold onto one principle - I won’t let more and more of my time and money go toward “fixing” my appearance. That doesn’t mean I’ll stop caring for myself or stop dressing up, it just means I won’t let it take over my life.

What Naomi Klein calls “beauty culture” is essentially a system designed to make women feel like they’re never quite good enough. You’re always supposed to get thinner, fairer, younger, more refined—and spend endlessly to “fill in” that sense of inadequacy. At its core, this beauty myth isn’t really about how we look, but about a pattern of behavior, a social mechanism of control. We weren’t born believing we’re not good enough. It’s a belief shaped by society over time. And unfortunately, it’s also become a source of unspoken competition among women, pulling us into a never-ending game of “who’s prettier.”

Naomi’s point is that the real issue isn’t whether a woman wears makeup, loses weight, or gets cosmetic procedures. It’s about whether she actually has the power to choose. Is your pursuit of beauty driven by freedom, or by fear, shame, and external expectations? The enemy of women’s self - worth was never wrinkles, under-eye bags, or smile lines - it’s those invisible, systemic voices that keep women doubting themselves.

So yes, even now, I still sometimes look in the mirror and secretly wonder if I look good today; I still can’t help editing my photos; and when someone compliments me for looking young, I still feel a quiet little joy. But at the same time, I’m trying to redefine a kind of beauty and coolness that isn’t based on facial symmetry.

For me, it’s an attitude, a way of life, and most importantly, a power I can practice and control. It may not erase all my insecurities, but it has helped me embrace aging with more peace, and welcome my “less-than-perfect” self with more kindness.